i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
