I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
