I'm drive I can fine osifer
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
