Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
