You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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