if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
