I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
