I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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