11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
