No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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