How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
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