I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The Olympian is in my bed
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
