Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
