It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
