1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
