My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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