I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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