I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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