I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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