My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
