Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
