I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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