I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
