I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
40s are totally the cure
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
