Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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