I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
