For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We need a shit load of segways right now
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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