what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
