He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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