Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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