I just cut my nipple shaving
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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