that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The feeling are messing with the penis
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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