I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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