I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Randomize
