I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
