it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
