Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
