Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
