Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
