Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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