Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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