people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
