I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
