Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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