i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
