I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My Sexting was not on an AP level
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
