i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
