just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Can you bring me the toilet please
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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