I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
