At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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