So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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