aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
