I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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