I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
