he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
