Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize