and my herpes radar will keep us safe
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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