He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
