smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
