We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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