hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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