Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
