On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
